yogini

When Trigger Hits│Fighting Depression

No, not again.  I can feel it. The trigger. I was doing so well. What happened? Okay, think about all of your blessings. Practice gratitude. You got this Dom. You got this. You…

I usually run into the bathroom at work before the tears begin to travel down my cheeks. This feeling always finds a way to sneak up on me. I absolutely hate this feeling.  The feeling of confusion, fear, and defeat.  Caused by over-thinking and the lack of patience. Leading to anxiety and panic attacks. Then, I am left with guilt for feeling this feeling in the first place. This is what goes on in my mind. This is the cause of the dis-ease in my temple.  And what annoys me the most, is the fact that I know I have the power to control it.

I suffer from depression. I hate saying that word. I feel like every time I say it or think it, I am giving it power to control me. So many times I feel powerless. When depression hits, I am unable to get out of bed to do the things I love or just be present. Thinking and not living. One trigger comes from work. I am not working in a place where I love or simply enjoy what I do. I spend most of my days in a place I actually hate. Wait… strong word. I spend most of my days in a place I strongly dislike. I am not learning skills or progressing in any areas I need for the things I want to do with my life. I never saw this happening. However, I do not regret my current situation because it is all part of my process to becoming (or reawakening to) the person I am meant to be. I take accountability for my choices because at the end of the day, the Universe gave me what I ASKED for. I was chasing money and benefits and I got just that. I am grateful for it and know there are others that would love to be in my shoes. However, at the end of the day I pushed my passion to the side.  I am a creator and stopped creating. I believed that a 9-5 would bring an easier life (which it did for me) but it didn’t give me a happier life. I realized that, for years, I have been seeking relative happiness instead of ABSOLUTE happiness. The happiness you find within. Therefore, I am thankful for this process for reminding me how important living is. How important passion is. How important it is to feed your soul.

Mental illness is a topic that continues to surface on my timeline every day. I know that I am not alone. However, knowing that doesn’t make me happy either. What I want is to be part of the solution that leads to the end of mental illness, holistically. I know that ultimately we have to work within. However, another trigger comes from what I see happening all over the world. I can’t even turn on the news anymore. It feels like I absorb so much energy from what I see and it’s overwhelming.  I want to do more to help. I know that one day I will be able to help. I want to heal other beautiful souls, help build a stronger and more unified community. But first, I must heal myself. Which I have been doing. I have been using various tools from my journey starting in my late 20’s. Focusing deeply on my spirituality (without my strong connection to God, I really don’t know where I would be right now). One of the mechanisms I use to help me during my moments of depression, is reminding myself that my current situation is not the end-all-be-all. I have to remind myself to see the bigger picture.  I have to remind myself to stay focused, be patient, and never forget to be present. I know it’s a work in progress. Life is a work in progress.  I’m a work in progress. I am ever-changing. Always evolving. I am in my cocoon right now and I accept this fragment of my life.

I am journeying to find my soul again and I have been doing better. Doing things I want to do without seeking outside validation. I am learning to listen within. I will continue to learn the universal language so I can better communicate with God and my ancestors. I am learning to trust my process.  I am learning to breathe.  I am learning to be more courageous and less fearful. I am learning to accept me. All of me. I am learning to let go of habits that create the same patterns that lead to self-destruction. I am on a journey of self-evolution.  It’s uncomfortable and lonely at times, but very necessary.  I don’t know exactly where I will be in the future, but I know exactly where I DON’T want to be right now. I know soon it will be time for me to move on. When I do, I pray that I will be completely guided and protected.

I want to be more transparent with you and myself. It’s hard to share this because I have always been strong, never showed weakness. However, I am learning that there is strength in vulnerability. To be open to your own truth. Self-realization is a big important step towards healing. I’m learning how to be in a relationship with myself and love myself to the fullest so I can be a better servant to the world. And together, if we help one another, the possibilities are endless. The future is bright. We can reawaken and ignite the power we hold within.

Love + Light

DS

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Crystal Spotlight│Garnet

I’ve been vibing with this beautiful stone all month.  Garnet is a root chakra stone and can also be associated with the heart chakra.  Garnet is also my birthstone so it was only right to spend some quality time with it! Below is a list of special properties associated with Garnet.

  • Energy booster
  • Protective energy
  • Grounding
  • Enhances positive emotions
  • Love and passion
  • Helps with depression
  • Build creativity
  • Stimulate the sense

How I used this stone

  • During my meditation – I would set my intention on how I want the stone to help me
  • Placed near my bed at night
  • Placed on my alter so the energy can float around my apartment
  • Carried it around in my purse

What are your experiences with Garnet? Let me know below!

5-Minute Morning Gratitude Practice

Hello Beautiful Souls!  What is the first thing you do when you wake up?  Do you grab your phone? Check your emails? Or, scroll through social media? Although these actions have become a habit for most of us, taking at least five minutes to center yourself can mean a big difference between a clear, focused, uplifted spirit and an over-active, flustered and cluttered brain. Below is a gentle sequence you can practice to help awaken your senses, loosen up tight muscles, set intentions, and mentally prepare you for the day with grace and acceptance.

Before you begin, remember that inhale and exhale is equivalent to one full breath. Breathing full breaths through every posture is key. Remain in each asana for 5-10 full breaths. With each breath, feel the sensation flowing through your body, while keeping your face relaxed, and gently flow into the next asana.

Gyan Mudra /Mudra of Knowledge
20161011_095128Mudra Hand Prayer – Thumb positioned between my brows to activate my Third Eye20161011_095015Cat Cow20161011_09530920161011_095322Thread the Needle20161011_095338Seated Back Twist
20161011_095353Cross-Legged Reverse Plank20161011_095413Extended Child Pose20161011_095207

Do you have a morning routine?  If so, feel free to share in the comments below!

I Want More

why do you keep knocking on my mental door?

leave me alone

and let me go

i want to know

what is life like without you?

i asked to be purged

from you and your friends

get out of my system

i want more and you can’t seem

to help me

you serve no purpose in my life

other than to hold me back

let me go

let me breathe

let me free

-breaking up with fear – Dominique Sade

***

I imagine myself waking up and starting my day with my music, meditation, tea, writing, workout and yoga (not in any stringent order but you get the point!). Then I’d go off to instruct my yoga or fitness class.  I imagine myself making a difference and helping others towards a healthier path: mentally, physically, spiritually and financially.  I have a plethora of projects and workshop ideas for my community.  And for those who know me, I still want to design, and I will.  I want to live in a creative space, creatively creating lol.  In all seriousness, I don’t want to feel compelled to stay at my corporate job because of everyone else’s views on keeping a job.  I know a “good job” is hard to come by, however, should I let it stop me from taking that leap of faith?  How will I ever know how high I can fly if I’m trapped in this figurative cage of social constraints?  Bills, marriage, kids, health care, family, relationship, normalcy: the labels of the bars that, although some are what I want (or think I want) in my future, are holding me back from reaching my greatest potential.  Or, could I be overthinking?  I was told, “Have patience” (…working on that), or “Have faith and everything will fall into place.”   But, what is faith without work?  At the same time, I don’t know how long I can stay physically locked up.  I am beginning to change the way I think.  I know the universe is listening.  Once I put my mind to something; once I see it and believe it, it already belongs to me. Once I change or (how I like to put it) grow, I wonder if I would lose the ones I love along the way…